I’m pretty low. Worn out by too stressful work and too much travel. Sent under by disapproving comments from several directions and disheartening events. Needing a break but finding no escape.
I don’t remember feeling this far from God nor this discouraged. I was definitely depressed and disoriented after my husband died, but it didn’t affect how I felt about me. It’s hard to remember what’s good about me and certainly not what’s good about God.
Anyone relate?? (If so, please comment.)
So today’s verses from Psalm 27 seemed particularly apt:
Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”
Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in. Psalm 27: 7-10
I’ve cried aloud the anguish I feel. I’ve gotten incredibly angry (and unfortunately my daughters have been affected by the anger).
The truth is, I don’t even feel like seeking God’s face now. But here I am blogging about His scriptures, which I dutifully read this AM. And I prayer-journaled my pain and overwhelmed-ness. So I guess I am seeking Him.
I really related to the part about parents having “forsaken me.” My parents died years ago, but in this space of pain, I feel pretty forsaken by those who criticized me and those not here for me.
Of course, in my pity party, I have not asked for any help from friends! And God DID send two kind texters and an emailer who I asked to pray.
[A later edit: a friend called tonight and I took the call – we had a great two-hour conversation and I was forced to talk about the Lord and that helped. So, I’m doing better. And I know some who read this and others who knew about my discouragement were praying, so I am grateful for the prayers.]
Guess He is looking out for me…
I know this is spiritual warfare (especially considering I lead an evangelism ministry that is starting to see new results) and if you read this, please join in the prayers of others. Cause I’m not doing so well in the battle. Thank you.
Dear Lord: Hide not Your face from me. Cast me not off. Be gracious to me and answer me! Amen.