Thanks for your prayers.
God and I had a talk last night. Well, I sort of cried to him and went to sleep.
I confessed that I was taking out on my family the frustration that resulted from not trusting His plan. So, I gave into the plan, realizing that for the next week, I’d be devoted to getting DH through manual “PD” as they call peritoneal dialysis and onto the machine.
Good thing I planned to spend most of October working from home anyway. And I decided to take sick days from work so I wouldn’t feel too guilty not working a full load. Although I will work…
So what did God do when I stopped resisting?
First, I was actually in a good mood when at the unheard hour of 7 AM, I welcomed a truck delivering A PALLET of medical supplies for DH. Then, I discovered that I had pockets of time here and there today to do what I NEED to do for work and the kids.
And during that hour I’m with DH (five times a day), I am sitting around waiting with for his stupid bags to drain (out, then in), unable to touch anything lest I contaminate my hands and give him peritonitis.
Waste of time? NOT.
I find it gives me much needed time to relax. We can talk about things we need to discuss (like work). I even napped with my hands clasped and up in the air (so as not to touch anything).
And we prayed.
Wow. God is forcing me to spend 5 hours a day with DH. And we pray together for some of that time.
God is so smart.
Why do I fail to trust Him???
He laid down his life.
Well here’s tonight’s Scripture. It’s about DH:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25a ESV)
Those of you (I think there are 3) who followed my blog a few years ago know how unhappy I was that DH wasn’t working. And I’ll admit I was mad at both God and DH. DH often said that he thought that his lack of work was for MY good and my spiritual growth. Then he’d add (mysteriously), “I think your time to shine is coming.”
Well, really. Of COURSE he’d say his lack of job was for my good. I mean, then he’s off the hook from looking for work. Right?
But I slowly have come to realize that DH’s lack of a job WAS for my good.
That in a sense, God forced DH to lay his life down for me (by not having to what many men IS their life – a job, a calling). DH suffered so that I might grow spiritually. And I did. Despite myself!
And even now, DH is very literally losing his life, but for the miracle of modern medicine. This tough passage is for my good. It’s helping me trust God more (see above, for example). It’s helping me say in desperation, “God. Can you help me with the next minute? And the one after that?”
What a tough time DH has had these last few years. I thank God that He forced DH to lay his life down for me.
Now I pray that our Father will give DH the spiritual gifts He gave me, drawing him into a deeper and closer walk with the Himself.
Today’s Readings: Isaiah 59:1-60:22, Psalm 115:1-8, Proverbs 26:23, Ephesians 5:21-33. See About for what I’m up to with these daily posts. Your daily blogger, Holiday Longing (Reproduce with permission only).