So, here’s where we are at.
I am pretty much at the end of my tether re my job. I often start the day with “I hate my job.” However, after having read the Bible each AM (a few months ago, after my doubting phase, it was the only thing I knew I needed to do regularly), I pray my way into the office, that somehow I can work “heartily, as unto the Lord,” instead of nastily unto those who drive me crazy. I can’t say I do too well.
Frankly, I’d love to quit. But I need to wait.
Why? After a year of no nibbles jobwise, my husband is interviewing at several churches. He’s had one onsite interview with another coming up. We’ve been through this before and been disappointed (often). But I REALLY want him to get a job and move us away. Then I will quit my job and find a new one in a new place. YEA!
But it might not happen that way.
If he doesn’t land one of these positions, it will be really hard on both of us. And I will have to decide if I can manage to stay where I am jobwise or if I need to move on. I have a headhunter lined up just in case (the dude at right). I think I need to move on, but the thought of being the one who moves us out of here tires me.
Would you pray for us?
In a recent eletter to some friends (having asked for their prayers about these same matters), I said regarding the toughness of our situation:
I never thought I would get to the point where I questioned my faith, but the ongoing trials got me there (don’t get me going about the last 12 years!).
What brought me back was the cross. No matter how unloved or forgotten we feel, the cross reminds us that we aren’t. The cross is the only way to interpret what we see in Christianity around us (not always so lovely, huh?) and even what we read in the Old Testament (not always so lovely, either).
The cross is the thing that brings into laser-focus what Christianity is about: a God who would suffer and die for me when I least deserved it.
So, no matter how we feel: unused, unloved, unconnected – we aren’t. He is up to something. Maybe we will never be relieved of this pain here, but no matter what, He is preparing us to more fully worship the Lamb for eternity where all tears and all pain disappear in His presence.
Amen and amen.
Lord: Still, could you miraculously get my husband that job and get us out of this sense of being on hold (five years now!)? Thanks. But I know (though I need to know more) that you do have our best in mind. The cross proves it. Amen.