Delivered: Don’t Forget It!

I must sound like the most bitter hag on the planet, considering my spate of blogs on anger, doubt, frustration with church, etc., etc., etc.

So, I’m going to turn the tables tonight and exercise my thanksgiving muscle.

You know what God said about remembering. To keep from turning into wearisome whiners, those Israelites were supposed to …

remember the miraculous signs and wonders, and the strong hand and powerful arm with which [I] brought you out of Egypt.  Deuteronomy 7:19

I need to remember the strong arm of Christ’s death which delivered me from sin and guilt (except the kind I heap upon myself…). Lately I’ve noticed it helps to stand the cross next to tough circumstances. Why would a man who died for me also allow this situation? (Check out Romans 8:32).

And I need to remember how God has worked in my life. And thank Him.

There’s a story of remembrance I tell at home. When I do, my eyes well up with tears in gratitude. Then my ten year old moans: “Mom, you’ve told us this a million times. You don’t have to say it again.”

Since I am no longer allowed to repeat this story at home, I will repeat it here.

It’s simple, really.

Why do I get all teary-eyed?

Because after 37 years on this planet and around 16 years of longing, I became a wife.

And then, shock of all shocks, a mother. Yes, two charming little girls see fit to call me “Mommy.”

Yes, there are tears in my eyes.

I have a shelf full of journals wherein lie untold numbers of requests for a husband and a family. I begged. I cajoled. I bargained.

No one could tell me to stop, especially not with that pious piece of bull-poopy, “When you finally stop wanting a husband, God will give you one.”

Well, I never stopped wanting.

I had a no-track mind. The one track got worn out as the train of desire and day-dreams ran back and forth, back and forth. I wanted a husband and a family of my own.

Can I tell you how many weddings I was in before I attended mine?  As I got older, I got demoted from maid of honor to bridesmaid to musician to Scripture reader to wedding planner to flower arranger to program designer. I kid you not.

Oh, and let’s not discuss the number of times I caught the bouquet… or had it thrown at me.

It took a full 6 months after we got married for me to stop my single life habit of scanning a room of available Christian men to see if “the one” might be present. That’s not too good a habit to carry into marriage, I discovered.

But here I stand, delivered from that particular Egypt of single-hood (which is its own kind of promised land: see Single, Lonely, and Sexless).

Grateful that Jesus heard and answered.

Dear Lord: Forgive the self-indulgent focus on all my woes. Help me to remember the good gifts of my husband and kids.  Help me especially to remember the cross.  And help me to remember to say thank you when I feel least grateful. Amen.

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One thought on “Delivered: Don’t Forget It!

  1. Your blog is excellent, Longing! Thank you for sharing so much.

    I struggle with forgiveness and grace regularly – I’m very frustrated with institutional church. David’s rise to king was inspiring for me. He had opportunity to kill Saul several times, and each time refused at the last moment, saying who was he to kill the Lord’s anointed?

    I think of the church in similar terms. David was frustrated enough to take a weapon to Saul, but never dealt the blow. I don’t think God is angry at us getting frustrated, just in how we deal with it.

    You’re finding a way to be open about it without attacking or causing strife. I think it’s an excellent thing.

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