More About Doubt

I sort of feel this responsibility to keep posting about this issue, especially for those who come to my blog and may start to question their own faith by what I have written elsewhere: Doubting Less, but Not Doubtless and Doubting at Last.

A few things have crossed my mind these past days. I’ll share them in a series of posts.

First, I have this nasty feeling that I am being an ungrateful wretch. For many years I’ve stood in judgment (I now see) of all the Christians who whine about God not giving them this or that. Or say, “I was faithful, but God didn’t deliver.”

I mean, who do they think God is anyway? Santa Claus?

I, of course, am far too holy for that stuff.

I write boldly of suffering, tough times in marriage, and general crap – that it’s all a blessing, cause it makes me know Jesus better, it leads me to the Holiday at Sea.

Then for some reason, the crap piles up long enough and high enough, and for the first time I can remember in my Christian life, I don’t have that drive to know Jesus better through the difficulties.

In fact, I find myself just a little righteously angry about the American church (you know, all those OTHER Christians).

And, do I feel some anger at God for not changing me or my spouse or my situation faster?

Then, all of a sudden, doubt.

What a shock! I am a whiny Christian.

What does this say about my “deep” relationship with the Lord? …that after 30 some odd years, I can  question it? Feel like it never existed?

Whew. I think I am heading for some big time conviction. Hold onto your seats…

More later.

4 thoughts on “More About Doubt

  1. Now I get the title of the blog … the C.S. Lewis quote about us preferring mud pies.

    My kids love mud pies! But the older one would prefer to be at the beach.

  2. Not sure why this comes to mind as the primary thought for this comment “L”, but here goes my 2 cents worth of hopefully constructive observation.

    After 30 some odd years of a presumed deep relationship with Christ, you’re still human. You’re still susceptible to having doubts, fears, anxiety etc; and to be presumptuous if I may, God knows it as well. 🙂

    Time itself doesn’t shield us from temptation,sin, doubt or fear; time with the Lord though, does enable us to better understand and cope with those human frailties, with Him leading us of course.

    Praying that you receive a word, revelation but most importantly Godly understanding and wisdom.

    Grace and peace be with you.

  3. I think it’s cool that you’re willing to be open and honest. You’re not trying to hide behind apperance. That is healthy, and honors God.

    Ironically I was just thinking last night that some days I get so wrapped up in wanting to get my theology perfect that I forget what really matters is my relationship with God.

  4. You have been here before. Maybe not so pronounced but you have journeyed down this road on more than one occasion. How can I know that you ask? Because we all have walked out this continual process with the Lord!

    You already know this, God wants all your heart. He is very creative with the circumstances to show us what He already knows! What’s that? The part of our hearts we are willfullly (unconsciously, I might add) withholding from Him.

    So, big time conviction? Yes probably. But nonetheless good. I love your blog!! Thanks for sharing your heart.

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