Am I the only one out there who writes a blog and then clicks on Dashboard, Blog Stats? And comes back a while later to check again? And again?
Does anyone else out there take some strange delight seeing just how popular you are?
Here is the sad part — I am supposed to be writing about my spiritual life. If I was a REAL spiritual person, I wouldn’t care what people think about me — measured in the iworld by how many folks click on my blog. But I do care. Am I the only one? I think not.
And here is another sad thing. On Christmas day, I wrote my last entry about the real Jesus and the strange contradiction that so many people celebrate His birthday who don’t really know him. As I was writing, my daughter walked in and I shooed her away: “Mommy’s busy. Please go away.” (and I wasn’t as nice as what I just wrote…)
Now, how spiritual is THAT??!! Is my blog-writing, no matter how “spiritual” and high minded, more important than my daughter? I think not.
Believe it or not, this leads me to my 2008 New Year’s resolutions. The facts that I care so much about what others think of me (that would be YOU!) and that I often put myself before my children and my husband (though I do put the dogs first) tell me that I still have a long way to go. I have a lot of spiritual forming to do. And I do plan to put forth more effort towards that end next year.
Spiritual formation is a strange thing. Sometimes I think it is all up to God. Rarely do I think it is all up to me. But I do think I play a part. To tell you the truth, if I had to give it a percentage, I would say I am 99.9352% where I am spiritually today by God’s grace.
He has given me a hunger for His word, wonderful friends, amazing preachers and teachers, circumstances tough and tender, occasional conviction, and the gift of repentance — all to draw me to Himself.
Really, I find it hard to take any credit at all for the love HE has placed in my heart for Himself. It truly is a mysterious work of the Holy Spirit.
And He has given me a longing to work harder at the means of grace under my control this coming year. I may not put each detailed resolution out here for everyone in cyberspace and beyond to read, but I do know I want to spend more regular time reading the Bible, more time writing in my journal (my most effective way to pray when alone), and to make a concerted and disciplined effort to better serve my family.
Oh, Lord, please let me know if these are also what you plan for me in 2008. Because if this isn’t from you, I will fail. And help me to succeed. Amen.