If you gag at that phrase “gentle and quiet” spirit, then we are on the same page.
If a glance at a Bible study on gentle and quiet makes you want to run for the hills, so do I.
I think that most Christian women carry around a definition of the phrase “gentle and quiet” that does not necessarily reflect what the Bible means.
In fact, I was really relieved to discover the true meaning of the phrase found in this passage:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3: 3, 4
Gentle
The word for gentle in scripture is also translated “meek” and is often used to describe Jesus. The English translation doesn’t do justice to the meaning of the word. It makes Jesus seem weak. The true meaning is far from that.
“Gentle” is an attitude primarily exhibited towards God. It’s that trust by which Jesus accepted God’s will at Gethsemane. There is great strength and power in such gentleness, that which allowed Jesus to move forward to the Cross.
When we rest in the circumstances God brings to bear in our lives, thanking Him for the difficult as well as the easy, when we don’t dispute or resist His will, we are likewise gentle. 
When we rest in God’s sovereign care, no matter our life circumstances, we are being gentle. We rest in His hands peacefully, trusting Him with our lives.
Quiet
Our Gentleness before God is reflected towards men in our Quietness. Quietness in this case isn’t being quiet as in mealy-mouthed or not talkative.
Instead, quiet is an attitude of tranquility that arises out of gently trusting God. Quietness doesn’t disturb other people. We can be very talkative, yet be quiet within and towards others. And we can be very outwardly quiet while our inward turmoil negatively affects those around us.
When I think now of being Gentle and Quiet, I think of rest, of trust, of letting go of control, of feeling loved and cared for no matter what happens. I think of a Dove, not a Pigeon (see The Dove and the Pigeon post).
Because this spirit trusts God, it has great worth in His sight.
Boy, do I have a long way to go. 
Instead of being Gentle and Quiet, I am often distrustful and angry with God, anxious and frustrated inside, controlling and manipulative towards others. I am a Pigeon, not a Dove (see The Dove and the Pigeon post which describes how I am a pigeon).
In fact, I am often a poster child of the opposite of Gentle and Quiet – which I’ll discuss next post…
What a helpful way to look at quietness. Thanks.
(Do the men ever get studies on how to have a gentle and quiet spirit?)
I was thinking about the exact point you make. Of course, we all have to emulate Jesus’ meekness/gentleness/trust.
However, I think men have different issues than women to deal with. I think womens’ trust in God has us resting and has men moving in a courageous manner (these are not my ideas, FYI). We tend to do the opposite of what we are made to do. Women control and manipulate (next post) and men either move forward in their own strength or don’t even try.
Men – does that make sense??
I think your right Holiday Longing and the post, I dont think the church has a good understanding of what gentle and quiet is. When I think of Jesus being meek and mild does not mean he was a coward I think he just knew how to control himself.
I am glad my woman does not hide behind me with a so called “gentle & quiet spirit” although she does have the kind of gentle and quiet spirit I think the text is talking about, heres to women are who they want to be!
The only time I have ever come across this passage being teached is when the church wants the women to be quiet in the background making tea and teaching in sunday school, what a grave mistake!
Holiday, it seems that we, as Christ’s body, have replaced love with power. Good points, thanks for sharing.
Hi, I went to your church’s www site and I kept re-reading it. The Evangelical Covenant “Church of Clay” Center. I thought, this is a center for churches that recognize we are made of clay! Then I read the headline! Thanks for stopping by the blog. Holiday
Hahahaha that’s hilarious!! we’re thinking about trying to shorten it, but no luck yet. Thanks for posting! I look forward to future conversations
I like what you wrote here.
I see being gentle and quiet as having a guiet strength. It is knowing when to speak and when not to. It is speaking words that are powerful and empowering…words that make a positive difference in the world around me.
It is standing strong when I need to and not letting the world suck me into its mold. It is being all that Yahweh calls me to be.